It would be fun to run into you there. This looks for me like a long comment and not like an answer. Im not saying that women never have trouble, because of course they do, but every one of the incidents that the men described were situations where all of the women who were in the conversation were basically what the hell were you thinking going somewhere alone with a stranger/letting a stranger get that physically close to you?. My band is playing at the Speakeasy Thursday night, we're so excited.". I dont think its fair to ask people to voluntarily take on that risk at work when theres another approach that will neatly avoid that issue. Unless we want to rely on eHarmony to produce the next generation, you have to take advantage of opportunities that present in the real world. She might followup with other questions like "what time?" Try to greet incoming customers within 30 seconds. Since the store is just 5 min away from my place I visit regularly and don't want to leave a bad impression there. Q: How can I gain confidence to ask a cashier out? And as others have mentioned, it's very easy to misinterpret her general customer service skill as "signals" of something else which she didn't intend. Id love a womans advice on how to go about this, because I want to do it the right way for both parties involved. Have you had a conversation about anything that isn't related to their work? I'm aware that Germans are renowned for being very direct people, though, so it could be the right move to do after all. He is incredibly shy about that kind of stuff. Agreed. I dont think most men handle being turned down poorly. I wouldnt have even thought twice about it it honestly never would have occurred to me that it might cause issues for the employee, or that this was a common issue for retail employees to deal with! Can't be whimsical if you're worried about life or food or shelter or someone who seems a threat. Correct If youre a regular, you can talk to her casually until she gets used to seeing you. At my local supermarket, some of the cashiers take smoke breaks near the public the entrance of the supermarket. Its just as uncomfortable and frustrating. Hi, OP here. If they seem receptive, try suggesting an activity or outing that could potentially bring both of you closer together. This is different, though, from approaching the object of affection. Nope nope nope never ok. Thats a good practice for people. You don't want to be banned for harassing employees who didn't want to date you. Try to see when she gets out. "I don't know and I don't care" or if she answers something like: "I love those cookies, I wish someone would invite me to eat them.". This seems like a bit of an overreaction to someone stating their opinion in a non-rude or abrasive manner. I worked in a restaurant and customers hit on me often but the man I am now married to, for 38 years (!) Good day!". The thing is that you seem to be looking at this as though these two people are meeting as equals, but theyre not. Get their attention by saying something like I was wondering if youd like to grab dinner sometime rather than Will you go out with me? But STILL. If she is interested in you and has time, she will probably arrange to come to the event some time and you will see her there. I think the best thing to do is go in right before close and mention something like Ive been craving cheese fries from place super nearby I was going to go with my friend but they bailed. Thank goodness none of them ever tried anything like this, you poor thing! Ill text you! and then not do it. er, to clarify, where tipping is the majority of the income. I really enjoy talking to you here and Ive thought it might be nice to do it outside of work sometime. Like I said, Id be flattered, even if I was interested and it wouldnt be weird for me to see you again in the future. or "Did you enjoy it" or even worse, "Where were you?". I cant figure out a way to work cheese into this at all though, unfortunately :) I know what you mean about the manager thing: hes older and its one of those places where managers are expected to do everything that their employees do so I dont know if he is or not. As several others already have replied - it depends where you are and the (as yet) unknown chemistry between you and the cashier. A: After your date, maintain good posture by being respectful and honest with your words as well as your actions. Id hesitate against saying dont ask the employee out entirely, because sometimes asking someone out can lead to good things, but Id definitely caution against relying only on signals within the store as the basis for his interest. He just seems interested. 1) I was a girl and that was enough to get comments The best answers are voted up and rise to the top, Not the answer you're looking for? Last sentence should read: Id be flattered, even if I was NOT interested. One time when he wasnt there I said to his coworker, Hey, is the cute guy working today? She told him I had asked about him, and the next time I went in he gave me his number. It shows a level of awareness that not everyone seems to possess in these situations. This is while there were a line of people waiting for my attention. How to ask someone you see regularly out on a date, without making it awkward? Some points of potential special cases. No luck again today =( maybe its because I'm actually looking for her as opposed to noticing her when she around.if that makes sense. I dont feel shes in love with me anymore even when she says shes still does My girlfriend says she we need a break? I have read most of the answers, but none has found themselves in your situation. The guys I know that routinely hit on female retail/service workers do it in the blink of an eye the second they see a pretty face. Maybe you should stop by is perfect because simply not showing up is a lot easier than rejecting someone outright. After we left the store, my dad muttered, well, he seemed to like you ok. (Sidenote: my dad and I never, ever talk about anything remotely related to me dating. Retail employees have to be nice to customers. It's long enough to exchange more than a couple of sentences and gauge interest. Admittedly, my old district manager basically fired anyone who had a direct complaint made about them no matter how ridiculous (seriously), but these thoughts would all run through my head and Id be scared my livelihood depended on saying yes to a date with someone in whom I am potentially not interested in at all. Another way might be something along the lines of: Its always nice to chat with you [name.] How To Get Dares Of Eternity Lightning Round. I must be old fashioned too, how in the heck are people supposed to meet these days if you dont want to do so at bars or online? I was actually a little traumatized by Alisons advice (although I do really appreciate that she replied and has provided a forum for others to respond) and the first couple of comments (this was much earlier today-I was shocked to see all of the responses that are here now and have just started going through them), so I stopped by a female friends shop today to ask her advice. That's a pretty good indication something's happening. We never talked beside "hello". Most people take it wellexcept for this one guy who literally followed him around the store, essentially catcalling him and making really inappropriate comments. http://www.bodyforwife.com/she-doesnt-owe-you-shit/. OP here, thanks for sharing your sweet, funny story. Then she returned change in copper coins, one at a time, staring me in the eye. Is "I didn't think it was serious" usually a good defence against "duty to rescue"? Should be a great (event, e.g. Remember that she has to be somewhat friendly with you, don't force her to behave friendly against her will with someone she sees as a creep. The key difference was that he had been coming into my bookstore for at least 6 months and chit-chatting with me about stuff, usually books but other things as well, before asking me out. Haha I like that! Reply Like #9 Never asked a cashier out , but i allways wanted to ask a female car sales women , how much for a hummer , so far i haven't had the chance..Lew Reply Like By the way, having this sort of opening is a big reason boys start rock bands. Some people may have good intentions and be okay with a rejection, but there are a lot of men who arent and turn vicious if theyre ignored or rejected. One thing. I wonder if anyone has ever gathered real data on this? You really have to go with your gut, I think. I dont what it is about retailperhaps the forced friendliness-but it just seems like everyone thinks were dying for dates and I would get asked out constantly. She has never worked a customer service job before so I guess the implications didnt occur to her? Or you could be lucky and run into her on a bus or somewhere else out of context. And I would tell a couple of friends where I was going and who I was with. If you like cheese fries maybe you should stop by, Oh, I didnt even think about the maybe you should stop by, and thats great. At least if I was cleaning up aisles or stocking shelves, I could pretend to escape into the backroom. You can engage in small talk then, without a long queue forming behind you. I will put a quick disclaimer/bias I am female, and I think women overall have to deal with this more than men, so its probably why its more annoying in my mind. And heres my story to support that: back in my retail days, I worked in a shop that primarily catered to women, and men coming in tended to get a bit of special attention since they were something of a rarity (and often needed a little extra help from the employees). is it unprofessional to have hickeys at work? How To Restart Mission Rdr2? This, in turn, is affected by how you look, how you smell, what you say, but for basic sexual pleasure - looks are everything. Enjoy your time together but make sure that you maintain boundaries; this will help create an enjoyable experience for both parties involved! I dont know about that there are people who will turn a refusal into a Giant Drama Explosion, sometimes to a frightening degree. What should I follow, if two altimeters show different altitudes? I had one regular while I was a barista ask me out in what seemed to be a sincere way, but when I turned him down then showed up every single goddamn day and stared at me for almost a month. Note I had never been to that shop before. Please dont. Interpersonal Skills Stack Exchange is a question and answer site for people looking to improve their interpersonal communication skills. And if you did look very good, you wouldn't ask this question, so I'll make the assumption. (Im female, btw, and the employee in question is male. (Still gay, now not so closeted :D) So while I was able to stumble out a decline that didnt out me and sounded fairly legitimate, the truth was Id been rather blindsided, and I spent the rest of the day scared that one of my coworkers would have overheard and I was going to get grilled about why I didnt agree to the date later on. In 2022, women earned an average of 82% of what men earned, according to a new Pew Research Center analysis of median hourly earnings of both full- and part-time workers. When youre in a position where your continued success (and as a waitress, your actual ability to pay your eat/bills) is contingent on playing nice with people who treat you like crap day in and day outand looking sufficiently enthusiastic about it, thankyouverymuchthe power dynamic there is way off. Something that lets him know where youll be if he ever wanted to bump into you outside of a work environment. I know people who have met because they ride the same train to work every day or theyve attended the same sporting event. When lindy hopping, it is important to use positive body language and express excitement and enthusiasm. If i ever did (which i wont because im too shy, but shes the most beautiful thing ive ever seen) ask her out and she said no, i wouldnt have a problem at all i think women are allowed to decide things by themselves and shouldnt be pressured into saying yes or no. My female friend just started dating a waiter we met while out to eat. Who do I talk to about putting something on the store's bulletin board? And above all, don't pressure her. There's no freedom of motion for her. They have to smile and pretend like everything you say is hilarious and engage in chitchat. Its been over a YEAR since I had the nerve to try dating or asking anyone out and I had just decided its going to be this guy. Holy cats, it was painful to watch him. Asking while she is serving you as an employee violates empowered because she is effectively cornered: she can't step away, she has to serve you. Another option you may consider is going through her manager. If you ever want a tutorial in why this is a Very Bad Idea, go ahead and read the Craigslist Missed Encounters section, particularly the men-for-women. Would you feel flattered? I do not so much when it happens to me. If he calls, you know what to do. I always hope she'll be stocking shelves or something (so she would be a little more approachable) when I see her but she's either cashier or in back. But don't do it at her work. As a guy, I dont worry about the woman attacking me or anything but I do think about getting robbed by someone else hiding at her place. But then even if she says yeah I have to find a way to get her my number quickly. Even if you think this guy might really like you, youre going to have to take it slow. That fact can confuse the romantic, so special handling is required. I had to go back to the store later that week to pick something up. Having been on the receiving end, I can tell you I've always found it awkward and uncomfortable when someone has asked me out as opposed to leaving a note for me to choose to respond or not respond privately. Ok but how do I do this without coming off as a creeper? Whilst approaching someone with the intention of asking them out, it is important not only to show interest but also respect for their feelings and situation. A female cashier was unable to provide the return, though. So if you do this, and he says anything thats not an enthusiastic yes, please reconsider shopping there again. I hope you have the common sense to not stalk her, to find out where she lives or what she does in her free time just to find a loophole and ask her there. That is classic. Do the invite to something neutral, and see what the reaction is. Im not going to say to absolutely not do it, but I recommend asking him out somewhere other than his job if you see him elsewhere. I've seen her fairly often just a matter of time. and in that case, don't answer in a way that creates the expectation. :( Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. I also want to say DONT DO IT! 3. Granted, yes I loved talking about video games. Once you have built up enough confidence and prepared your words, it is time to take action. What I say may sound weird to some, but you can actually be cool and nice to women without any second thoughts. If she says "no", just say "no problem, thanks". Much better, now we've avoided putting her on the spot, we've just slipped her a little bit of intelligence, with no request whatsoever for her to act. Im nice and can have a very bubbly personality, and it really frustrates me that men would assume I was flirting and ask me out. People should use common sense caution. I know I have a weirdly strong opinion on this, but no. In Ohio, we have drive-thrus where you can literally drive through and buy beer, cigarettes, pop, etc. Sadly, some people prey on strangers they consider potentially vulnerable, regardless of gender. Its my practice since to never pursue workers in service, not that it matters so much now. I declined. The flaw in this approach is there isn't really an explainable reason for telling her that. tru dat mirth!!.. Show confidence. If you do this one or two times, you should get an idea of how she reacts. This is also a longshot. However, with a bit of forethought and confidence, you can make it happen in no time. The cashier will also talk to you. I would even say that depending on the size and style of the shop (i.e. OMG yes. That is a concern I had thought of. If he doesnt call/text then he isnt interested and you can leave it at that. Start with neutral topics (the weather is an evergreen) and see what her response is. Thats why the OP should say it cheerfully, quietly, quickly, hand the card over and exit. Manage Settings ( However, I wouldnt give too much info about the places you frequent, just because you dont know him that well. Archived post. I think people should recognize the difference between hitting on someone (e.g. But those of us who are normal dont actually do anything. Citation please Im genuinely interested in this, Studies have actually found that men are just as capable as women at understanding nonverbal communication/soft nos. That sounds very reasonable to me. I have never asked an employee out or hit on a woman working before, and for some reason I think this woman is special, even though I dont know intimate details about her life and vice versa. Thanks! At the time, it didnt seem safe to tell a random stranger my sexual orientation- especially when my co-workers didnt even know (long story, that..). Id like to find out what hes thinking, but its kind of awkward since since hes at work. Always be on your best behavior around them in the future. They are paid to be nice and helpful and to show up where youre shopping if they think you might need help. A simple "Would you like to continue this conversation after work some time?" Many, many people have posted here about their experiences working in customer service positions, which require them to be pleasant and nice to customers as part of their paycheck, and how unpleasant and difficult it is to negotiate romantic interest from customers when that power imbalance exists (and particularly when there are people who rely on or even enjoy that power imbalance). Since your hunch is that she does like you, all you really need to do is open a door. Do this some times. I have to say, I feel bad for the pressure being put on men for the whole asking someone out thing because that was the first and ONLY time I have ever asked a guy out and I got rejected. You might even ask them to simply repeat what they said. When I saw your name The IT Crowd was the first thing I thought of! In your case, if she declines, you must never mention it again and pretend like it never happened. I definitely agree with all of the suggestions about keeping casual and low-key and, if he turns you down, continuing to interact with him as though nothing happened. WebAnswer (1 of 7): At the Drive thru window, this happened to me many a time & the one luxury I suppose was that they could just speed off in their car afterwards (or I could shut the window). And as long as you are willing to hear them say no (and you are not a crazy person) then there is not a lot to lose. Sorry to hear that it didnt work out (a haunted house would have been a very cool first date!) Copyright 2007 - 2023 Ask A Manager. Too direct an approach also creates a Huge Awkwardness when you visit the shop in the future, as now she must explain her rejection. Pick up something and buy it..from her lane. Its not *dating* phobia per se its management phobia. My substitute said he was in a suit and had drenched himself in cologne. This is extra worse when youre a captive audience who cant get away from them at work, and its why a lot of us would recommend not asking at all or proceeding with extreme caution. If theyre interested they will, specifically, ask you. Please dont hit on retail employees. Communicating that it's no big deal if she says no shows confidence, and also shows that you haven't been writing romantic poetry thinking about her for the last six months while you have no idea who she is (creepy-creepy) rather you're just interested in getting to know her and have a drink. She flushed, returned the change, and caressed my hand in return. We always flirted, he always asked me about what was going on in my life, on and on. Because of that, it can be easy to mistakenly misinterpret them doing their job (being nice to you) as social/romantic interest. This will help reduce any anxiety and make it easier for you to get the words out when the time comes. Later, on hearing about it, my nasty coworker who was a demoted ex-manager told me that I shouldnt have been rude to a customer. So I can definitely imagine a manager who would expect someone in a customer service position to say yes to keep the customer. How To Get The Man Catcher In Castle Crashers? I can find out though and that might make things a little less fraught, dynamics-wise, if he is. Long ago, when I was in college, I asked out a nice, cute guy who worked at a retail store I frequented. But many parties are crowded and noisy and everyone is running about mingling. Asking someone out should never sound like a mere business transaction; this could put off anyone from accepting your invitation! Oh wait, I did actually end up in a four year relationship that had been a customer and he ended up being a creep with major control issues, but that could have happened no matter where we had met. . Ive seen her about 10 times, but I realize she might get this a lot. Women deal with this sort of stuff all the time at work, in public, going about errands, etc. What do you think a cool and respectful way to ask her out is? Always remember that they are a person too, and be sure to treat them with the same respect you would give any other person. Also OP, I wonder if you have looked for him on online dating sites? So whats the best way to ask ehr out or get her number while shes working? I too worked retail and was both hit on and asked out. Playing offense in Madden 21 takes skill, strategy and knowledge. I almost forgot about the boy from the produce department! Just FYI: I've had male cashiers say things like "Nice to see you again", and it doesn't mean they want to go out with me, ok? Make an effort to get to know your crush in a non-work context before asking him out. Ugh. Important: you give your number and dont ask for his number, and you do it on paper so that you dont need to text to his number or handle his phone to input anything. He may truly be interested but the power imbalance there makes it sort of uncomfortable. Aaaaaand now my friend is no longer a regular at that brunch place. And yes, some people take outright rejection very badly. Just try not to come off like a creeper if you do ask, and really try to absorb the advice the other commenters have provided. Heres my number, no pressure if youre not interested. This is coming from a womans perspective, so take it with a grain of salt. To obtain resin in Conan Exiles, players must collect its in-game nodes from the environment near trees and other plants. Studies show that men are not actually able, on average, to pick up on disinterest, if theyre interested in the person. You know, the douche who asks every cute girl out and thinks he's hot shit. with a side of awkward (sorry, I play for team rainbow, but good luck to you). She cant be sure but either he wants a cup of coffee with her or he doesnt. you are 18 or older, you read and agreed to the. Being friendly is literally part of their job description. And the corn guy had his own business. I've talked to a cashier girl at the grocery store a few times and she has been somewhat flirty a couple times. Yuck! Obviously you dont want to be creepily waiting for him by his car or something, but it could give you a chance to ask him out while hes off the clock. Its normal. I let them all down gently, the ones who were grossed I told my manager about, and the ones who were polite [key point] were cool with me afterward and there was no awkwardness between us [key point]. Yeptrue creeps are spreading it around as much as they can. Please dont hit on the poor schmuck who has to be nice to you or get fired. The amount was wrong. And its fine to say Cool, could I bring my friend Xanthippe? and then do so, check the address and person out beforehand, and bail at any time. The waitress could have said oh, hes off the market or he gets number all the time and is sick of it or something like that so it would avoid the embarrassing interaction if there wasnt a chance for a positive outcome. I dont know; its easy enough to say, Im sorry, I have a policy of not dating coworkers/customers. If your work doesnt allow it, thats an even easier out. I have no idea if men in customer service experience this as well, but I know the men that I worked with almost never dealt with unwanted sexual attention from customers. Life rule: never hit on someone who is being paid to be nice to you. Dont forget to sit with a coin between your knees! Thanks fposte. I suggest you consider the following: Is she especially nice to you, or is that her normal behavior with many customers? Where I live now, in Central European rural areas that latter point is the predominant norm. Please have some respect and let me have my JOB as a safe space! Yeah, I used to teach adults and I was asked out BY A STUDENT. In my case, it was simple. Hello, OP here. If he say, Oh, rats! ? pile. Can you help me?" Let them know why they caught your eye and why spending time together would be fun. Are there any canonical examples of the Prime Directive being broken that aren't shown on screen? Yes, it was a common interest, but I also had a certain number of reservations and sales I needed to make. If she perks up and looks interested, you can respond with something like. Scoring a volley in FIFA 22 is an art form that requires skill and finesse. Giving away ones phone number is a safety risk for the girl with indeterminate reward - silly to ask. i like it when people ask my name. I got hit on by so many men when I was 16ish that could have been my father. The power differential is still theredepending on store management, the customer still may have the power to get this person yelled at/firedbut its a lot less so. Who, granted, recognized her because she was a regular, and they had a bit of teasing banter going on which maybe had an undertone of flirting? It would be ok if you ran into an employee somewhere else organically. Especially if whatever person I was talking to was clearly busy with something else. Not a library, but Ive worked all over the food service and retail spectrum, including a major event stadium regularly serving 60,000 drunken bros in party mode, and the most I ever got hit on was the 6 months I worked at a Barnes and Noble. I dont think its a horrendous crime to ask someone out, I just remember wishing (as a former waitress) that people would just let me bring them their food instead of assuming were friends now because weve been interacting for 8 minutes in my place of work. You can deduce from both verbal and nonverbal cues what her feelings towards you are, whether she's friendly because of her professionalism or because she actually wants to be your friend. As long as she's doing anything related to her job (which does involve commuting to and from her home) you leave her alone. When I worked retail, a man who grabbed me from behind when I was alone in the store and I told him to get his hands off me. OP here, thank you, and yes Im definitely not interested in objectifying this person or treating him like a piece of meat :). Its not so much that its every man or even most men as that its frequent enough, and WHICH man it is is totally unpredictable. But, you know, its such a personal thing, asking someone out. Also, I think waitressing positions in particularor any positions where tipping is involvedare especially good examples of this. Its not about all men being big scary monsters, its about trying to avoid situations that put you at a disadvantage in case someone does turn out to be a monster. I was also wary for the same reasons you are. Thanks, this was something that Id been considering too! Thats a pointas the OP is gauging this guys interest, she should observe how he acts with other customers. Its hella awkward for them and unlikely that the connection youre feeling is real. Im going to have to think about this one. All of my long term relationships have come from mutual friends or activity groups. So I met this girl who is a cashier at a local store and shes really cute. Nothing high pressure, just hey call me if you want to get coffee. We hung out a few times, then both moved away from the area but were still friendly now. My Question is how can I ask for her number, or ask her out for a coffe while she is only sitting at the cash point? https://yesmeansyesblog.wordpress.com/2011/03/21/mythcommunication-its-not-that-they-dont-understand-they-just-dont-like-the-answer/. It can end well! WebTalk about what you're going to make with your items. To help you build up the courage to take the plunge, it is important to focus on feeling more confident. And its so true; it can be tricky to know if someone just really likes corn or really likes you.
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